Thursday, April 14, 2011

Fear issues

Hello friends,

Well, you all know I've been healing from a fall I took off Lady when she spooked in the arena.
I'm into my healing now about 4 weeks, and I can't quit playing this over and over in my mind!  Nothing else to do when your drugged up and resting.

But, ....(I'm doing good now, off all meds. (except for the occasional, if I've overdone it.).

I find myself with a bit of fear issues in getting back in the saddle.  I'm sure this is due to being 55 yrs. old and when I hit the dirt this time, I was amazed to find I couldn't move or get up.
 Whaaat gives?  Those rodeo guys just land so smooth, dust themselves off and limp back to the horse to give it another go!  (I'm wondering now if they are so drugged up on pain killers they don't feel it?) I'd like to know how many of them spend their night in the emergency rooms after rodeos that we, the audience knows nothing about?

I decided I NEEDED to get back in the saddle at least once before I go home for the summer.

So my hubby and I went out to the ranch and planned on just doing a "saddle sit" to see if it was going to cause me pain, but I ended up going with the Bossman out for a short 1/2 hr. ride on Jesse (not Lady).
I knew it would take ALOT for Jesse to spook so I felt more comfortable on him.  But, not so much.

I found myself taking a 1/2 of an anxiety pill prior to going, and I had NO DOUBTS I'd be wearing my helmet.  This was all needed because for some reason, I was now the one who seems spooked?!!!




















I don't like this feeling, and I'm a very determined person to not let something mental win over me.
But, I am also re-evaluating what I'm capabale of....really capable of at my age.

I want a horse that is very sound of mind, I'm too old to deal with one who has issues.  (There's only room for one nutcase in this partnership!) LOL

Is owning a horse really for me?  Is there one out there that would be kind, calm and patient, and yet be agile enough to ride strenuous terrain with me and the Desert Rose?
I guess we'll see....
My kids are coming down this week for spring break, and we plan on riding with them (ponying the kids) but I'm looking forward to it so much.....because I really want to see if this "lack of confidence" is going to stay here or will I be able to work it away?


5 comments:

  1. I totally understand your fear, I've been there and it took me a few years to get over it and I don't know if I am completely over it. But only on that horse. It takes time to get over the fear, believe me. It can be done. Just take your time and it will happen.
    I am glad you are feeling better and it was so good to see you!

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  2. Dear Cousin, just take things slow and easy. Dont push yourself. You have nothing to prove and your state of mind (and health) right now is all that matters. Only ride ponies that instill confidence in you, but also keep your guard up. Take easy short rides; if you dont feel comfortable, dismount. Spend the rest of your vacation relaxing, enjoying the sunshine, picking on Mel, and you will return to the PNW in much better shape. -Cousin Advice Hotline.

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  3. I've enjoyed quietly reading your blog over the past months, but today's post regarding your fear issues hit home and I've decided to come out of lurking. I understand far too well the fear you're having. I grew up riding; barrel racing, racing bareback across fields, and anywhere else I could. Never any fear of falling or getting hurt. Now that I'm older (in my late 40's) and have taken a few spills, the fear causes problems with my riding sometimes. This past summer my mare and I had an issue and I hit the dirt. For the most part it was bruises that healed within a few weeks, but the mental fear that was instilled in me took months to get over. I was afraid to get back on my own horse. Like you, I wanted to get back in the saddle, but the fear of getting hurt again was almost too much. A few weeks after the accident I decided to get on my husband's horse. He's a dead broke quiet babysitter horse. Even though I know he wouldn't do anything wrong or spook I was scared to death. It took a couple of rides on him to get some of my confidence back. Even now (almost a year later) I still get fear in the pit of my stomach under certain conditions while riding. I've made huge progress though by taking baby steps and getting off when I need to.

    Take your time, do it in baby steps, and eventually your confidence will come back and you'll enjoy riding again without all the constant fear.

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  4. as you know...I also was in the same boat once myself and the journey back is full of ups and downs. (no pun intended) So...take your time,drug up and ride JESSE ;)))

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  5. Thank you everyone. And welcome Applewood Ranch! I am intending on getting back in the saddle and will update on that later. I truly appreciate those of you who shared these same feelings and it really does help knowing that much more experienced riders than myself are capable of the same fears.

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